By Emily May Webber
Break up. To look at, the term implies something that happens, hurts, and is over. But what isn’t talked about is what happens a few months after. When you meet up with friends and family you dread the inevitable question of ‘how’s X?’ Yet on other days they pop into your head whilst you are pushing a trolley in Tesco. One night is a Bridget Jones binge, and other days you can take on the world. Are you alone? No. So, whether you are approaching second year, gearing up for your final year, or graduating this summer, there is no doubt that your past relationship will have taken its effect. This is not a ‘how to’ guide, or by any means a quick fix for your frame of mind. These ideas are simply some ways to make the best of yourself, and attempt to distract your mind along the way.
- Put your energy into something else:
At University, you are in the best place to get involved with something. Whether that is a sports club, media outlet, or volunteering, and if it doesn’t feel right, there is no obligation to carry it on. Keep busy. The more time you have to think, the more time you will have to doubt yourself, and re-run over past conversations. Here are some ideas:
- co.uk – a website which allows you to borrow someone’s dog
- The Founder email@example.com – if you are reading this, then why not become an on-call writer? Write as much or as little as you like, and get your thoughts in print.
- SU Societies or Sports – whether that is radio or squash, just try it out.
- Talk it out, and talk it over:
I cannot stress how much this can help. Many often feel like a broken record, keep talking about their partner, or emotions. However, just by talking about what is in your head, it immediately feels like you are de-cluttering your mind. Whether it is over a cup of tea, or whilst walking to lectures, just take the time to say what’s on your mind.
If you are finding it difficult to talk to those around you contact: firstname.lastname@example.org
- Make the effort:
Whether that is putting on your lipstick or catching up with friends over a drink. Take a few hours out every week to do what you want. Even if you are in a relationship, everyone deserves time alone, and often that makes for a happier time together.
- Digital Detox:
If you have social media, often this can be the tool that can make you feel most emotional. Remember, people most often post when they are having a good time. Yet, do you really need your ex-partner on these sites? It isn’t mean to block them, or even their friendship group. It simply allows you not to know. And what you do not know cannot hurt you. If you are finding it hard to do this, try taking some hours out without your phone. Go for a walk, and just detach from someone else’s life.
- Thoughts for the month after the breakup:
- If you had to sacrifice your enjoyment or yourself to fit in with someone else, you are better now without them.
- Stand up for yourself. If you need to say something, say it. Be controlled, calm, and never underestimate yourself.
- Treat yourself: If you fancy some sushi, go for it. If you want some fresh flowers, buy some. You do not need someone else to surprise you.
- If you set yourself a standard of how you want to be treated, no one will ever treat you differently.
- Most importantly, be a little more selfish, just because you can.
Emily May Webber
Featured image courtesy of anxiety.org