News

What would happen if Egham was nuked?

another one of these

By Kyle Hoekstra, News Editor

January 2016

More than 7,000 people would perish if North Korea dropped a hydrogen bomb in the centre of Egham, reveals a computer projection following North Korea’s January 6th announcement that they have successfully tested a device.

A statement from North Korea’s official news agency describes “the H-bomb of justice” having been tested in “the most perfect manner,” however the international community is sceptical over whether the hermit kingdom has developed such a powerful weapon.

In the not-impossible, though highly improbable, eventuality that the London commuter town of Egham was targeted with such a device, The Founder thought it prescient to run Dr Alex Wellerstein’s (of Stevens Institute of Technology) Nukemap simulation to evaluate the fallout of an explosion.

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If the bomb had a ten-kiloton yield, Egham would be instantly and almost entirely flattened and approximately 7,210 people would die. A further 20,360 would suffer injuries.

Egham train station and the Runnymede Christian Fellowship would be consumed by the 150-metre radius nuclear fireball, while the 1.5-kilometre airblast would destroy everything else, including Royal Holloway’s entire campus and Runnymede Chicken & Ribs.

Yet it looks as though the tennis courts would escape unscathed besides exposure to thermal radiation, which would give any players third degree burns; often painless, for the pain nerves are destroyed.

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An artist’s chilling impression

Residents of Egham and of Tuke, Williamson and Butler would be within the 500-metre radiation radius of the blast, and without medical treatment can expect between 50% and 90% mortality from acute effects alone.

Meanwhile, everything north, south and west of The Armstrong Gun would be sheltered from immediate effects.

It is believed that North Korea only has missiles with a range of 6000-kilometres, however, rendering Egham safe from the Supreme Leader for the foreseeable future, unlike other global metropoli like Tokyo and Seoul.

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