In Rod We Trust: Inanimate carbon rod runs for NUS President

One of the most popular choices for the upcoming National Union of Students’ (NUS) presidency is Inanimate Carbon Rod. Seen as a breath of fresh air by many, the Rod’s chances are high for the conference starting in April.

Perhaps the Rod’s winning manifesto point is that of ‘all out inclusion’, meaning representation for inanimate objects as well as ‘meatbags’ (as detailed by the Rod’s manifesto).

The ultimate form of impartiality possessed by the Rod is its inability to express any form of emotion, dispelling former presidents’ disdain for one or more political ideologies.

The Inanimate Carbon Rod’s manifesto details a number of proposals, which if elected, the Rod would aim to enact. Reading it, the utilisation of Student Unions countrywide as bomb factories (together with workers and trade unions), has spoken sense to many students. One student of the London School of Economics, who wishes  not to be named, stated ‘I don’t understand why we don’t have a bomb. It seems like everyone else does, so let’s not be left behind’. This sample possesses a surprising amount of unilateral support, further evidencing the Rod’s popularity.

In an age of protest, the Rod’s manifesto argues that ‘from not attacking student protesters; to not refusing to support the 2010 protests when students needed it most; to not telling the government that it was fine to cut bursaries, it has consistently put its status as an Inanimate Carbon Rod above the temptation to sell out and shamelessly promote itself’. This alignment with the viewpoint of the modern student is certainly a vote-winner, and evidentially it has followed up these stances of inaction.

An online poll conducted by The Founder displayed unanimous support among those asked, with 100% of respondents stating that they would vote Rod within three days of its posting. It presents the scent of change for the NUS, and all those involved. Leaving with the words; ‘Everyone deserves to have a personal relationship with their National President. Let’s carbon date’, many may be looking forward to an inanimate future.

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